What About This…? 4.12.2018

By Wayne William Cipriano

Buying in bulk is the way to go. If you have the storage space. On the face of it you sound like a whacko. Who buys 50 pound of birdseed, 50 pounds of popcorn, or 35 pounds of cat food all at once?
Are we anticipating an Alfred Hitchcock-like infusion of avian visitors? A movie-watching binge even greater in intensity than that of which we normally partake? A return of Renee accompanied by the feline menagerie which gives rise to her now three-state appellation: “The Cat Lady”?
No.
We are just taking advantage of the financial benefits offered to bulk purchasers. Pay several dollars per individual pound of any particular commodity or pay pennies for that same pound? All we need is storage, and the intelligence to determine the rate at which we consume the commodity and its shelf life.
As we poured what seemed like tops of bulk popcorn into containers that fit our freezer, and spilled kernels across the floor in yellow bouncing hypnotics for our cat, we reminded each other of the delicious snacks these troublesome units could soon provide.
Unfortunately, being weight conscious, our popcorn is hot-air-popped using no oil, served without butter and with very limited salt. Mostly as an abdominal space filler.
But it works. And, regardless of the answer to the question put to me by Tim Kennemer at F.S.A. when I told him about my air-popped, no oil, no butter, little salt popcorn diet additive (What’s the point of that?), I find myself often scooping a handful of this snack to hold off hunger that might otherwise be satisfied by chocolate bars, potato chips, cookies, and other much tastier and much more devastating goodies.
Of course, all the virtuous snacking goes completely by the bye at any visit (to us or we go there), any holiday (especially Turkey Day and the Entire Christmas season), or any other “special time” like a great movie on television, Friday Date Night, etc.
I’ve tried to interest Rosalie in bulk purchases of other stuff like the aforementioned chocolate bars and potato chips, purely from a financial perspective, but to no avail so far.
Maybe I’ll just bring home a 20-pound bag of Snickers or a gross of Pringles cylinders and see what happens.
Maybe not.